I am a Tigger

I have been pondering something lately. Can an optimist become a pessimist? Can the optimist lose that buoyancy that keeps them with high hopes? Is it possible that the bubble of hope can dissipate completely? Or, is it like an air bubble that travels to the surface of the water no matter what the circumstances? Air bubbles do become trapped sometimes, but by physics and nature, they must rise.

I have always been an optimist. Either it had to do with my incredibly short memory, my even shorter attention span, or is it just an ingrained thing in my DNA? I have always been a happy go lucky optimist. I believe that people are basically good, I believe that everyone has a purpose for their life. I believe, too, that everyone falls into the characters of whinny the pooh. You have Pooh - a forgetful bumbler, Rabbit - a pragmatic no fun grownup, Eyeore -an eternal pessimist, and there are tiggers who are happy. I am a tigger, married to an eyeore, raising eyeore children. Sometimes I feel like I am losing my tigger'ness. Some days, the eyeores around me sap my strength, and I begin to feel like a tigger who has been eaten by an eyeore. So... I have been wondering, can a Tigger become an Eyeore? I think about how I see things that are going 'wrong'. I tend to reevaluate and find a way to accomplish what I want/need to accomplish. I nearly never give up, and have a dogged determination that is a blessing and a curse. My air bubble of hope does get stuck from time to time. Minor setbacks that seem big at the time, nearly always give way to being able to find a way to 'keep on keepin' on'. I simply don't see any other options. Is it possible to just let go and give up? I wouldn't know how to do that. Is it possible to just hide in a closet and hope to never be found for longer than an hour or so? I have never found a way to do that either. My closet is where I sit sometimes. While it usually starts as a way to hide and quit, it usually turns into a 'what is the answer to this problem' party where the voices in my head fight it out. Like that classic cartoon where on one shoulder is the devilish version of yourself, saying negative bad things; and on the other shoulder is the angelic version of yourself offering reassurance, and telling you what the good choice to make would be -and you are left to be the judge of who you are going to listen to. Only in my closet, when I am upset by something that has gone wrong causing me to need to hide out in my closet, there is a tigger on one shoulder reminding me that 'tiggers bounce', and an eyeore on the other side reminding me that for eyeores, 'nothing ever works out'. Sometimes I wish I could fast forward through the tough times, just to find out who wins…did I bounce through it? Or did I give up. I look in my son's eyes, and watch him when he is up, and watch even closer when he is down. I watch the storms come and go in his eyes, and I watch him use his strength to fight off the disappointment, and the hurt that comes with being different from other kids. I remind myself that if HE can' keep on keepin' on', then by golly, so can I. I may have to hide in my closet more often than he does, but I do it for him. I am the tigger in the family for him. Now that I have thought about it, I will be the tigger as long as I am alive. I bounce. It is what tiggers do best.